Are you worried about what other people think of you?
I know that feeling. As a business owner and someone who goes out with my own truth, I have learned and accepted that I cannot appeal to everybody. However, in other situations I am sometimes way too involved in what (I think) other people think of me.
There are a couple of things that I have learned along this journey:
#1: Often the worry about what other people think is actually a projection of your own judgment about yourself.
Instead of thinking: “Oh I shouldn’t have done that”, the first thought is: “oh he/she must think what I did was stupid/inappropriate/not right, or something along those lines.
The good part about this is that when you release your judgment about yourself, the worry about what the other person thinks goes away.
It helps to start with some energywork: imagine that you call all of your own energy back to you. When you are invested in what other people think, part of your energy is with them. You can imagine this as an energyline connecting your energy with theirs. When you consciously pull in that energyline so that all your energy is back with you, you will automatically feel more centered and part of the worry might already fall away.
#2: Explore the learnings and gifts of the experience
Once you’ve called your energy back from the other person, it is time to look at you and the judgments you hold about yourself. You can ask yourself these three questions to get more clarity:
What do I think I did wrong?
What would I like to do differently next time?
What have I learned?
See if you can ask these questions without guilt or shame. We are all human, we all make mistakes and we all do things that we would rather do differently next time. Allow yourself to be human and learn from all your experiences. Acknowledge that you did the best you could with what you knew at the time and that your intentions were good.
#3: Consciously choose to let go of the judgment about yourself
Now that you’ve become aware of the learning and made an intention for what you will be doing differently next time, it is time to drop the judgment and any guilt or shame that you’ve been holding onto.
Sometimes just the awareness of what you’ve learned and how you can do things differently the next time can be enough for the judgment to drop away. Other times it needs a little more attention.
Sometimes I ask my higher self and/or guides and angels to help me release my judgment about myself. I say something like: “I ask for help in releasing my doubts and judgments about myself and to grow in my self-love”. When I feel stuck in the judgment this statement usually helps to get me unstuck.
You can also breathe with the judgment and allow yourself to feel it for a moment. See it as an energy moving through you. Allowing the feeling will facilitate the healing and release of the energies.
Another option is to imagine yourself standing under a waterfall of light which washes away all the judgment, guilt, shame and other emotions that you would like to let go of. Enjoy the feeling of peace that this brings. (This meditation is part of my free Living In Peace meditation series which you can find here).
And then there is one final step…
#4: Find an alternative for the judgment
When you are in a habit of judging yourself, it is very hard to just stop the judgment. It is like a vacuum that is not being filled. And if the vacuum isn’t filled, it is way too easy to fall back into your old patterns of judging, doubting and worrying.
Think about how you can fill this vacuum: how can you react differently towards yourself? What can you do instead of judging yourself (or worrying about other people)?
My alternative is a conscious intention to support myself and to be my own best friend. I know I can support other people, so there is no reason why can’t I support myself in that way. Reminding myself to be my own best friend and support myself as best as I can helps me to build a new level of self support and self love.
But you might have other alternatives. What would you like to do, think or feel instead of judging yourself? Create an intention for yourself and see how that changes your experience the next time you catch yourself in judgment.
I believe that when you are able to transform your own judgments, the worry about what other people think will naturally fall away.
When you can stay centered in your own light, energy and truth, the opinions of others have much less significance. This will bring about a feeling of freedom and a deeper sense of inner peace, allowing you to be more compassionate towards yourself and others.
In the comments below, let me know your thoughts on this subject!